


there is nothing cooler than coming back from space and revealing youve been dating an alien that is the main fuckin thing you gotta do when you go to space

by itsdave



Category: Homestuck
Genre: M/M, Meteorstuck, Retcon Timeline
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-23
Updated: 2019-12-23
Packaged: 2021-02-24 16:47:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,644
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21861181
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsdave/pseuds/itsdave
Summary: Dave and Karkat look at the stars.
Relationships: Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas
Comments: 16
Kudos: 208





	there is nothing cooler than coming back from space and revealing youve been dating an alien that is the main fuckin thing you gotta do when you go to space

DAVE: aight check it i got one  
KARKAT: WHERE?  
DAVE: you see those five up there  
DAVE: that sorta boxy triangle  
KARKAT: BOXY TRIANGLE? SERIOUSLY, DAVE?  
DAVE: yeah theres four stars in a box  
DAVE: and one more for a point on top  
DAVE: that is so clearly a boxy triangle karkat what else could it possibly be  
KARKAT: HOW ABOUT ANY ACTUAL OBJECT?  
KARKAT: JUST PICK A NOUN, DAVE.  
DAVE: ok a house i guess if you wanted to stifle my lyrical creativity “house” would technically work too  
KARKAT: THAT’S WHAT A “HOUSE” LOOKS LIKE?  
DAVE: yeah  
KARKAT: I SAW THE HOUSE YOU LIVED IN, DAVE. IT DIDN’T LOOK ANYTHING LIKE THAT.  
DAVE: well yeah cuz i didnt really live in a house  
DAVE: i lived in an apartment building  
DAVE: it was just a big nasty brown square pillar  
DAVE: like the tallest slim jim in all the land with me chillin inside it  
KARKAT: EUGH.  
DAVE: ok but a traditional “house” like the platonic ideal of a house  
DAVE: if you type house into google and close your eyes and just pick the first image result  
DAVE: its gonna look exactly like that  
KARKAT: HUH. OK, FINE.  
KARKAT: SO WHAT’S THIS ONE CALLED? WE CAN’T JUST NAME IT “PLATONIC IDEAL OF A HOUSE,” DAVE.  
DAVE: why the fuck not  
DAVE: we are masters of the cosmos karkat  
DAVE: nobody else is up here stoppin us  
KARKAT: BECAUSE THAT’S OBJECTIVELY THE WORST CONCEIVABLE NAME FOR A CONSTELLATION, THAT’S WHY.  
DAVE: ok fine whatever it doesnt matter because thats not even what i was gonna name it  
KARKAT: OH YEAH?  
DAVE: yeah little did you know that all along i had the express intention of naming it snoop dogg  
KARKAT: THAT LOOKS NOTHING LIKE A DOG, DAVE.  
DAVE: no snoop dogg with two gs  
KARKAT: ...  
DAVE: what no no way  
DAVE: absolutely not  
DAVE: are you seriously telling me you guys didnt have troll snoop thats impossible i flat out refuse to believe that  
KARKAT: YEAH, I’M JUST FUCKING WITH YOU. WE TOTALLY HAD TROLL SNOOP.  
KARKAT: HE WAS AWESOME.  
DAVE: i fuckin knew it!  
KARKAT: HAHA! OK GREAT. SO LET’S SEE, WE’VE GOT “TUPAQ THE WAVY SQUIGGLE”  
DAVE: still need to find a biggie we gotta be fair here  
KARKAT: WE’VE GOT “BARACK OBAMA THE BRIGHTEST STAR ON THE BLOCK”  
DAVE: damn straight  
KARKAT: WE’VE GOT “SNOOP DOGG THE PLATONIC IDEAL OF A HOUSE”  
KARKAT: UM...  
DAVE: also andy samberg the upside down triangle  
KARKAT: OH MY GOD HOW COULD I POSSIBLY FORGET.  
DAVE: no idea man thats the best fuckin one  
DAVE: ok im startin to realize our constellation names are a lil heavy on the human side of things  
DAVE: also known in the common parlance as you havent named a single one karkat  
KARKAT: THAT’S OK. YOU’RE COMING UP WITH ENOUGH STUPID NAMES FOR BOTH OF US.  
DAVE: what no what the hell you should do some  
KARKAT: I’M OK.  
DAVE: you sure dude?  
KARKAT: YEAH.  
DAVE: ...  
DAVE: you know you had a constellation on earth  
KARKAT: WHAT??  
DAVE: yeah seriously  
DAVE: its pretty fucking weird actually  
DAVE: im not sure how this hasnt come up yet in conversation  
KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN I “HAD A CONSTELLATION?”  
KARKAT: LIKE IT WAS NAMED AFTER ME?  
DAVE: kinda  
DAVE: it was called cancer  
KARKAT: CANCER??  
DAVE: yeah  
KARKAT: LIKE THE DISEASE?  
DAVE: i guess?  
KARKAT: WAS IT... WAS IT BECAUSE OF THE TUMOR? THAT I PUT IN YOUR UNIVERSE?  
DAVE: oh huh i donno  
DAVE: um shit i pretty much dont know anything about the zodiac actually  
DAVE: sorry karkat please dont be offended  
KARKAT: WHY THE FUCK WOULD I BE OFFENDED, DAVE?  
KARKAT: IT’S JUST MY LEGACY IN THE UNIVERSE I MADE FOR YOU, THAT YOU APPARENTLY COULDN’T BE BOTHERED TO LEARN THE FIRST THING ABOUT.  
DAVE: oh cmon man i didnt know about any of your shit when i coulda been brushin up on astrology on earth  
DAVE: you were just some weird shouty asshole back then  
KARKAT: MM.  
DAVE: as opposed to now when youre some weird shouty asshole whose lap i currently have my head in and all the onus of personal facts and tidbits associated with that  
KARKAT: UH HUH. DID YOU LEARN *ANYTHING* ABOUT IT, DAVE, OR IS THIS STUPID NAME GOING TO BE THE EXTENT OF ALL THE KNOWLEDGE I EVER HAVE ABOUT IT?  
DAVE: no hold on lemme think  
DAVE: it was definitely related to the sign on your shirt  
DAVE: like seriously if you wore that shirt on earth you woulda been one basic ass bitch  
KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN?  
DAVE: oh yeah thats another thing  
DAVE: astrology was total horseshit  
DAVE: it didnt mean a damn thing but people liked to pretend it did to make their lives seem more important  
KARKAT: SO YOU’RE SAYING MY ONLY LEGACIES ON EARTH WERE A TERMINAL DISEASE AND A BUNCH OF HORSESHIT.  
KARKAT: THAT MAKES A LOT OF SENSE.  
DAVE: what no cmon there was more to it i think  
DAVE: there were also...  
DAVE: crabs maybe?  
KARKAT: CRABS.  
DAVE: yeah im pretty fucking sure crabs were involved somehow  
DAVE: that would make sense what with your lusus  
KARKAT: I THINK THIS WHOLE SITUATION IS FAR BEYOND THE REALM OF “MAKING SENSE,” DAVE.  
KARKAT: SO DID THE CONSTELLATION LOOK LIKE A CRAB?  
DAVE: no i think it just looked like a loose collection of stars hangin out awkwardly near each other exactly like every constellation ever  
KARKAT: HM.  
DAVE: huh i wonder if the universe we make is gonna be like that  
DAVE: like is it gonna have weird shit about us poppin up in all kinds of obtuse and stupid ways  
DAVE: that sounds pretty sweet  
DAVE: oh my god what if theres like a whole new astrology based on my raps  
DAVE: holy shit that would be dope  
KARKAT: DO YOU REALLY THINK WE’LL MAKE THAT NEW UNIVERSE?  
DAVE: what do you mean of course we will  
DAVE: thats the whole point  
KARKAT: YEAH I GUESS IT IS.  
KARKAT: JUST...  
DAVE: what  
KARKAT: I DON’T KNOW... IT JUST SEEMS LIKE THERE’S A WHOLE FUCKLOAD OF STUFF THAT HAS TO HAPPEN BETWEEN NOW AND THEN.  
DAVE: what do you mean we have less than a sweep left  
DAVE: were finally actually making some progress  
KARKAT: OH YEAH, TIME IS DEFINITELY PASSING.  
KARKAT: I KNOW THAT’S SUPPOSED TO BE YOUR WHEELHOUSE, DAVE, BUT TRUST ME, I AM ACTUALLY *ACUTELY* AWARE OF THE PASSAGE OF TIME.  
DAVE: ok so whats the problem  
KARKAT: IT’S NOT THE TIME THAT’S THE PROBLEM. IT’S... EVERYTHING THAT HAS TO HAPPEN STILL.  
KARKAT: IF ANYTHING, TIME PASSING MAKES IT *MORE* WORRYING, BECAUSE WITH EVERY DAY THAT GOES BY, THE SAME IMMENSE AMOUNT OF SHIT THAT HAS TO HAPPEN HAS THAT MUCH LESS TIME TO DO IT IN.  
KARKAT: I THINK... I THINK THAT’S WHAT BOTHERS ME SO MUCH ABOUT THE STARS, HONESTLY.  
DAVE: man what did the stars do wrong the stars are cool dont drag them into this  
KARKAT: HEH.  
KARKAT: I MEAN... WE CAN HAVE FUN NAMING A BUNCH OF CONSTELLATIONS TONIGHT. BUT THEN IF WE COME BACK UP HERE TOMORROW NIGHT, THEY’RE ALL GOING TO BE GONE. WE’LL HAVE TRAVELED SO MUCH THE STARS WON’T BE LINED UP THE RIGHT WAY ANYMORE. THEY MAY NOT EVEN STILL BE THERE AT ALL.  
KARKAT: IT’S A VERY HANDY VISUAL DEMONSTRATION OF HOW OUR TIME HERE IS TRICKLING AWAY AND WE’RE THAT MUCH CLOSER TO ALL THAT SHIT THAT NEEDS TO HAPPEN, WITHOUT ACTUALLY HAVING DONE ANYTHING ABOUT IT.  
DAVE: dude i dont think theres really anything TO do right now  
DAVE: like vriskas got her own irons in the proverbial fire of course  
DAVE: but i think the main activity is  
DAVE: as it always has been  
DAVE: just straight chillin  
DAVE: we are under strict orders to snuggle up and stargaze   
DAVE: it is extremely imperative  
DAVE: were diligently doing our part for the war effort here  
DAVE: we should get medals  
DAVE: im gonna ask vriska to make us some medals  
KARKAT: VRISKA’S NOT MAKING US MEDALS, DAVE.  
DAVE: shit  
KARKAT: OK, BUT AFTER WE EARN OUR STARGAZING MERIT BADGES THAT WE HAVE TO MAKE FOR OURSELVES OUT OF PAPER-  
DAVE: thats perfect were totally doing that  
KARKAT: -WHAT COMES NEXT?  
DAVE: next?  
KARKAT: YES! WHAT ARE WE ACTUALLY GOING TO DO?  
DAVE: when we get to the new session you mean  
KARKAT: YEAH.  
DAVE: cmon weve had that plan worked out since day one  
DAVE: we meet some dope new teens, we bonk jack on the head, we hatch a special psychedelic frog, and then we kick back forever  
DAVE: easy  
KARKAT: SIGH.  
DAVE: oh come on whats wrong is that too complicated  
DAVE: cuz tbh i felt like i was glossing over some shit but hell if you want me to smooth it out even more karkat who am i to deny you  
DAVE: hows this  
DAVE: were gonna make some friends, win a fight, and live in a frog  
DAVE: you better like that one bro because im not sure i can pare it down more than that ok  
DAVE: i think were at the limit  
KARKAT: ...  
KARKAT: YOU WANNA HEAR MY VERSION OF HOW THINGS ARE GONNA GO, DAVE?  
KARKAT: MY “UNGLOSSED” VERSION?  
DAVE: i got a feeling youre gonna tell me anyway karkat so yes i do please go ahead im all ears  
KARKAT: OK, HERE’S THE NON-STUPID VERSION.  
DAVE: the karkatian version  
KARKAT: THE *REALISTIC* VERSION.  
DAVE: pfff  
KARKAT: WE’RE GOING TO GET TO SKAIA, WHERE YOU’LL HAVE A TEARFUL HEARTFELT REUNION WITH ALL YOUR FRIENDS, WHILE I STAND AWKWARDLY OFF TO THE SIDE.  
DAVE: hey-  
KARKAT: SHUT UP LET ME FINISH.  
KARKAT: EVENTUALLY YOU’LL NOTICE ME AND REMEMBER THAT I’M THERE, AND YOU’LL BE OVERWHELMED WITH THE SUDDEN AND UNCOMFORTABLE REALIZATION THAT YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO INTRODUCE ME, BECAUSE ALL OF A SUDDEN ALL THOSE THINGS YOU SAID AND DID ON A METEOR WHEN NO ONE WAS THERE TO JUDGE LOOK VERY DIFFERENT IN THE HARSH LIGHT OF YOUR COMPATRIOTS’ SCRUTINY.  
DAVE: oh what-  
KARKAT: SHUT UP.  
KARKAT: THANKFULLY WE’LL BOTH BE SPARED THAT CONFUSING EMOTIONAL SHITSHOW BECAUSE OF THE SUDDEN ARRIVAL OF JACK, AND THE CONDESCE, AND PROBABLY THREE MORE JACKS JUST FOR GOOD MEASURE, WHY THE FUCK NOT?  
KARKAT: YOU AND ALL THE OTHER HUMANS, WHO HAVE PROBABLY ALL ALSO REACHED GOD TIER BECAUSE WHY THE FUCK NOT, JUMP INTO THE AIR AND UNSHEATHE YOUR WEAPONS AND PREPARE FOR THE AWESOME GLORY OF BATTLE.  
KARKAT: WHILE I SCUTTLE AROUND ON THE GROUND TRYING TO GET MY SICKLE RIGHT SIDE UP UNTIL I TRIP OVER MY OWN FEET AND JUST FALL OFF THE EDGE OF THE METEOR AND DRIFT THROUGH SPACE UNTIL MY EYES EXPLODE AND I DIE.  
DAVE: dude i thought this was the realistic version  
KARKAT: SHUT UP SO THEN I JUST SIT AROUND AS A GHOST IN SOME STUPID DREAM BUBBLE TWIDDLING MY THUMBS LIKE AN ASSHOLE WAITING TO SEE IF ANYBODY ELSE TURNS UP.  
KARKAT: BUT THEY WON’T, BECAUSE FUCK ME AM I RIGHT?  
KARKAT: MAYBE YOU SUCCEEDED, AND LEFT THE FUCKING UNIVERSE ALTOGETHER.  
KARKAT: OR MAYBE YOU ALL ALSO DIED AND ENDED UP IN DIFFERENT DREAM BUBBLES.  
KARKAT: WHO THE FUCK KNOWS.  
KARKAT: I DON’T.  
KARKAT: BECAUSE I’M DEAD.  
KARKAT: FOREVER.  
DAVE: oh my god karkat you just railed off like twelve different ridiculous ways this is gonna go to shit  
DAVE: i dont even know where to fucking start  
KARKAT: I FEEL LIKE THERE WERE SOME CHOICE OPTIONS IN THERE TO CHOOSE FROM.  
DAVE: bluh fine  
DAVE: well lets start with an easy one ok  
DAVE: lets start with that comment about “all my friends” who im gonna see  
DAVE: john and jade are cool but i think “all” is a pretty big word for just them  
DAVE: and yes obviously im hella excited to see them again   
DAVE: theyre my friends i miss them its gonna be incredibly cool to catch up and see what kind of hijinks theyve been gettin up to on a large boat  
DAVE: like i bet john has a captains hat there is no WAY hes been on a big boat that long and not started marchin around wearing one  
DAVE: i guess dave spritell be there too i donno that guys chill enough  
DAVE: itll be interesting to see what three whole divergent years do to my personality  
DAVE: when in one direction im a depressed doomed bird version of myself who johns been forcing to watch con air on loop  
DAVE: and in the other ive been hangin out with your dumb ass namin stars and learning the way of the troll  
KARKAT: OH MY GOD NEVER SAY THAT AGAIN.  
DAVE: honestly im not that psyched to compare notes i got the feeling that poor guy got the way short end of the stick and its gonna make me feel terrible  
DAVE: ok but back to business that is literally “all my friends” who youre worried about  
DAVE: two aggressively nice people who you already kinda know too who are gonna be stoked to see you i promise  
DAVE: and also weird bird me  
DAVE: and yes im excited to see them im gonna wanna hang out with them and talk about stuff  
DAVE: but that doesnt mean i dont want you there too  
DAVE: like what do you think ive only got one slot allotted for people i like and im gonna kick you out and shove all those guys in there instead?  
DAVE: thats some extreme quadrant shit beyond even what youre into dude  
DAVE: you know im not gonna do that  
KARKAT: I GUESS.  
DAVE: cmon karkat you KNOW  
DAVE: and then apparently theres also gonna be all our sassy teen ancestors  
DAVE: and yeah its gonna be cool to meet them but thats what im gonna be doing  
DAVE: operative word MEETING  
DAVE: same as you  
DAVE: three of them i didnt know at all on earth  
DAVE: and the one i did know...  
DAVE: look lets just say youre not gonna get left in the dust with any tearful reunions or anything  
DAVE: in fact i dont know exactly how im gonna react but there is a very not small chance i might freak the fuck out  
DAVE: just so you know  
DAVE: um  
DAVE: and itd be nice if you were there to hold my hand or whatever just in case i do  
DAVE: which i guess brings us to the next thing  
DAVE: the uh  
DAVE: question of how im gonna  
DAVE: tell them  
KARKAT: YEAH.  
DAVE: shit i donno how im gonna handle that one  
DAVE: i mean they ARE gonna find out eventually  
KARKAT: ...THEY ARE?  
DAVE: yeah sure like definitely right before we all go off to fight when i dip you real low and give you a long passionate kiss like im a sailor bout to ship out to the south pacific  
KARKAT: WHAT??  
DAVE: but in this case youre also goin to the south pacific  
DAVE: so i guess were both sailors  
DAVE: thats fine  
DAVE: for some reason the navy always got pegged as the really gay branch of the military  
DAVE: so that tracks  
DAVE: just two sailors mackin each others brains out in front of all their friends and ancestors before they go off to fight the good fight  
DAVE: theyre probably gonna get the hint then  
KARKAT: OH MY GOD, DAVE, ARE YOU SERIOUSLY PLANNING ON DOING THAT??  
DAVE: haha man i donno  
DAVE: itd be pretty funny  
KARKAT: HOLY SHIT NO IT WOULDN’T!  
DAVE: and it sounds like a way more definitive way to tell my friends than just wondering if theyre gonna notice if ive somehow like gotten visibly gayer in the past three years  
KARKAT: VISIBLY GAYER?  
DAVE: yeah shit i donno maybe i have  
DAVE: the only other human ive got for reference is rose  
DAVE: and considering shes always fuckin glued to kanaya i can confirm that she has indeed gotten way visibly gayer  
DAVE: having a hot lesbians hand on your butt at all times is strong visual confirmation  
DAVE: possibly the strongest ever  
KARKAT: I AM NOT GOING TO HAVE MY HAND ON YOUR BUTT, DAVE.  
DAVE: well see  
KARKAT: NO WE FUCKING WON’T!  
DAVE: anyway i dont fuckin know what im gonna do honestly  
DAVE: its like... kind of a big deal  
DAVE: for  
DAVE: a lot of reasons  
KARKAT: ...MAYBE YOU SHOULDN’T TELL THEM AT ALL.  
DAVE: what  
DAVE: seriously?  
DAVE: i gotta say karkat this is not the stance i thought youd be taking  
DAVE: i know you dont think the gay thing matters  
DAVE: in fact i know that better than maybe anything else based on the sheer number of times ive heard you say it  
KARKAT: NO, I DONT GIVE A SHIT ABOUT THE GAY THING.  
DAVE: hey there it is right on schedule  
KARKAT: BUT I *DO* KNOW IT’S IMPORTANT TO YOU. AND I RESPECT THAT.  
DAVE: aw thanks man  
KARKAT: SO THAT’S WHY IN TURN... COULD YOU MAYBE RESPECT THE FACT THAT I DON’T WANT TO TELL EVERYBODY?  
DAVE: what why the fuck not  
DAVE: i mean sure i can totally respect that thats not a problem  
DAVE: im just really curious to know why  
DAVE: like youre not uh  
DAVE: embarrassed about us  
DAVE: are you  
KARKAT: WHAT? NO!  
DAVE: i mean i guess i could understand if we were meetin a bunch of trolls and you had to introduce your weird alien matesprit-  
KARKAT: OH THANK FUCK WE’RE JUST MEETING A BUNCH OF HUMANS, THEN!  
DAVE: oh shit no i dont mean it like that  
DAVE: im not embarrassed i promise  
DAVE: like yeah i know the gay thing might be kind of a stumbling block  
DAVE: we both knew that already  
DAVE: but its not like im EMBARRASSED by it  
DAVE: and im definitely not embarrassed about you ok  
DAVE: trust me there is nothing cooler than coming back from space and revealing youve been dating an alien  
DAVE: like that is the main fuckin thing you gotta do when you go to space  
DAVE: just ask james t kirk  
DAVE: in fact its hella embarrassing if you have to tell your friends you went all the way to space and DIDNT get some  
DAVE: that sounds like the worst  
DAVE: thank god i dont have to do that  
KARKAT: OH MY GOD PLEASE STOP TALKING!  
KARKAT: I’M NOT EMBARRASSED, OK??  
KARKAT: OR... MAYBE I AM!  
KARKAT: I KNOW I’M *DEFINITELY* EMBARRASSED BY THIS CONVERSATION!  
KARKAT: BUT NOT FOR THE REASONS YOU MEAN.  
KARKAT: I JUST...  
KARKAT: I DON’T LIKE TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT MY LOVE LIFE, OK?  
DAVE: oh  
KARKAT: WHAT WE HAVE IS JUST BETWEEN US!  
KARKAT: AT LEAST THAT’S THE WAY I SEE IT.  
KARKAT: AND THE SHIT YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT, OH MY GOD!  
KARKAT: IT SOUNDS SO...  
KARKAT: I MEAN WHY DIDN’T WE INVITE EVERYBODY ELSE UP HERE WITH US?  
DAVE: what to look at the stars  
KARKAT: YEAH. WHY DIDN’T WE CALL UP TEREZI AND ROSE AND GAMZEE AND THE MAYOR AND THE WHOLE FUCKING CREW TO JOIN US?  
DAVE: all hells of reasons man like for starters terezid be smellin the stars way too loud  
DAVE: and rose wouldnt like any of my constellations and would insist on giving them “good” names  
DAVE: and gamzeed be being a literal psychopathic creep and also fucking honking all the time  
DAVE: and the mayord be chill to have around but honestly i get kinda weirded out getting my snuggle on with you when hes watching  
DAVE: i cant tell if he knows whats goin on and i cant decide if its better if he does or doesnt  
KARKAT: UGH. OK. GREAT CROP OF ANSWERS THERE, DAVE. JUST REALLY SUPERB.  
DAVE: thanks  
KARKAT: I GUESS I’LL TAKE THE MAYOR ONE, SINCE THERE’S AT LEAST A LITTLE MORE THAN NOTHING TO WORK WITH THERE.  
DAVE: sweet  
KARKAT: WE DIDN’T INVITE THE MAYOR BECAUSE IF WE DID, THIS WOULDN’T BE A NICE PRIVATE TIME BETWEEN THE TWO OF US ANYMORE. IT’D JUST BE HANGING OUT.  
KARKAT: AND THAT’S FINE TOO SOMETIMES.  
KARKAT: I LOVE HANGING OUT WITH THE MAYOR!  
DAVE: damn straight  
KARKAT: YEAH DAMN STRAIGHT!  
KARKAT: BUT LOOKING AT THE STARS IS SOMETHING I WANT TO DO JUST WITH YOU. IN PRIVATE. IT’S MORE-  
DAVE: oh my god here it comes  
DAVE: come on say it  
KARKAT: UGH, SERIOUSLY, DAVE??  
DAVE: romantic  
DAVE: you were totally gonna say romantic werent you  
KARKAT: SO WHAT IF I WAS? WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THAT??  
DAVE: nothins wrong with it  
DAVE: its just adorable is all  
KARKAT: IT’S NOT *ADORABLE*! IT’S...  
DAVE: ...beautiful?  
KARKAT: OH FUCK YOU STRIDER!  
DAVE: that is what you were gonna say wasnt it  
KARKAT: MAYBE IT WAS, MAYBE IT WASN’T!  
KARKAT: BUT NOW I’M SURE AS FUCK NOT!  
KARKAT: NOW I THINK IT’S STUPID!  
KARKAT: NOW I WANNA CALL UP THE MAYOR! GET HIM IN ON THIS PARTY, SINCE THIS IS NO LONGER A ROMANTIC EVENING, BECAUSE IT’S IMPOSSIBLE TO HAVE ANYTHING OF THE SORT WHEN ONE OF THE INVOLVED PARTIES DOESN’T GIVE TWO FLYING SHITS ABOUT AMOROUS IDYLLS.  
DAVE: amorous idylls??  
DAVE: karkat are you seriously forgoing “romance” for THAT?  
KARKAT: OH MY GOD THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT!!  
DAVE: aw hey man hush im sorry  
DAVE: look i think this is hella romantic ok?  
DAVE: all snuggled up lookin at the stars  
DAVE: goin through an enumerated list of your stupid anxieties  
DAVE: gettin raged at for every tiny infraction  
KARKAT: OH COME ON-  
DAVE: haha im just messin with you dude chill out its not that bad  
DAVE: but you do need to just relax ok  
DAVE: about tonight and about the day we finally get to skaia and especially about what comes after  
DAVE: like fine i can understand if you wanna keep our business private  
DAVE: honestly its kind of a load off my mind for that first day at least  
DAVE: like i was a little worried youd wanna go marching in and blow a trumpet and make like a formal quadrant announcement or some shit  
KARKAT: OH MY *GOD!*  
DAVE: bahaha what a fuckin way to come out  
DAVE: but anyway um  
DAVE: its chill if you want to keep it between us at first  
DAVE: tho they ARE definitely gonna find out eventually  
KARKAT: ...ARE THEY?  
DAVE: well yeah i mean its prolly gonna get kind of obvious when we get to our brand spankin new universe and start cohabitating and goin on dates and like generally bein together forever  
KARKAT: ...THAT’S WHAT YOU THINK IS GONNA HAPPEN?  
DAVE: ...  
DAVE: ...  
DAVE: um  
KARKAT: (FUCK)  
DAVE: did you uh  
DAVE: did you have a different...  
DAVE: uh  
DAVE: a different plan  
KARKAT: NO!  
DAVE: ...  
KARKAT: NO, I DON’T NOT WANT THAT, OBVIOUSLY! THAT SOUNDS.  
KARKAT: UM.  
KARKAT: NICE.  
DAVE: ...nice  
KARKAT: UGH, GOD DAMMIT!  
KARKAT: THAT’S NOT WHAT I MEAN!  
DAVE: so not nice  
KARKAT: JESUS DAVE JUST SHUT UP FOR A SECOND AND LET ME PROCESS THIS!  
DAVE: . . .  
KARKAT: I GUESS I... I GUESS I DIDN’T WANT TO LET MYSELF THINK THAT FAR AHEAD.  
DAVE: what  
DAVE: why the fuck not?  
KARKAT: WELL BECAUSE...  
KARKAT: ...  
KARKAT: WELL FOR STARTERS YOU’RE FINALLY GOING TO BE SURROUNDED BY YOUR OWN SPECIES!  
KARKAT: AND YOUR, UM... NOT OWN GENDER.  
DAVE: oh holy shit what??  
DAVE: youre worried about that?  
KARKAT: SHOULD I NOT BE?  
DAVE: no you motherfucking shouldnt be  
KARKAT: BUT... JADE’S GONNA BE THERE. AND TWO WHOLE NEW HUMAN FEMALES!  
DAVE: yeah and one of thems my fucking mom!  
KARKAT: OH THAT’S GREAT DAVE.  
KARKAT: JUST GO AHEAD AND QUELL MY FEARS ABOUT THE NONSENSICAL SEXUAL HANGUP YOU’VE GOTTEN LAX ABOUT BY BRINGING UP THE ONE YOU STILL HOLD NEAR AND DEAR TO YOUR HEART!  
KARKAT: THAT MAKES ME FEEL SO MUCH BETTER, THANK YOU!  
DAVE: ugg  
DAVE: look  
DAVE: i dont wanna get into this whole incest argument with you AGAIN  
DAVE: especially not since theres way more pressing shit at hand apparently  
DAVE: so let me just say  
DAVE: there are several reasons im not gonna be macking on roses slash kind of my own mom  
DAVE: one being that yes im sorry that is still a total nonstarter for me  
DAVE: but more importantly  
DAVE: like a thousand times more importantly  
DAVE: is that im gonna be too busy mackin on you!  
DAVE: ok??  
DAVE: and not in that like grand sweeping public way i was talkin about earlier its fine if you dont wanna do that i can understand and respect that and tbh i definitely wouldnt have the guts to actually do it anyway  
DAVE: but you can bet your ass that i will be metaphorically macking on you ok  
DAVE: philosophically macking on you  
DAVE: spiritually macking on you  
DAVE: in a very chaste way so nobody else knows and your honor is intact  
DAVE: but then after all this is over and weve finally killed the very last jack or whatever  
DAVE: and were in our new universe livin in a big scaled up can town of the mayors own impeccable design  
DAVE: all tucked away in our very own jumbo can of gravy with all the gravy emptied out obviously and replaced with a sweet sound system and i guess some furniture too  
DAVE: far from the prying eyes of the world  
DAVE: then ill actually mack on you for real  
DAVE: ok  
DAVE: does that sound good  
KARKAT: ...YEAH.  
KARKAT: THAT SOUNDS UH.  
KARKAT: REALLY GOOD.  
DAVE: hell yeah it does  
KARKAT: BUT WHAT IF-  
DAVE: oh my god karkat please!  
KARKAT: WHAT??  
DAVE: cmon man you laid out like fifty different ways you think everythings gonna suck  
DAVE: do we seriously have to go through every single one??  
KARKAT: UM.  
DAVE: like could we please just maybe focus on that sweet lil future i cooked up and just leave it at that?  
DAVE: or maybe just go back to naming stars?  
DAVE: i mean youre the one who was goin all on about romance but i kinda feel like im pulling most of the weight here all of a sudden  
DAVE: like i thought that can town house sounded pretty special and i kinda dont feel like fielding a billion fucking questions about all the reasons its never gonna work ok  
DAVE: i know youre worried about the future karkat and i know i kinda hold my shit together better than you a lot of the time  
DAVE: or hold it in in an unhealthy manner you know whatever you wanna call it potato potahto  
DAVE: but damn dude obviously i get worried too!  
DAVE: and sometimes theres only so much pessimism i can take before it starts to wear me down  
KARKAT: OH.  
DAVE: we got a whole nother sweep here and i dont wanna spend all of it dwelling on how bad its gonna be when its over  
DAVE: the futures gonna happen no matter what so i think id much rather not think about it at all if i can help it  
DAVE: and if i do id like to focus on how it might actually work out really really fucking nice  
DAVE: is that so bad  
KARKAT: ...NO DAVE. THAT’S NOT BAD.  
DAVE: ok thank you!   
DAVE: cuz honestly sometimes...  
DAVE: nevermind  
KARKAT: WHAT?  
DAVE: no its nothing  
KARKAT: SERIOUSLY DAVE, WHAT?  
DAVE: ugh fine  
DAVE: dude sometimes when its just up to me to keep the conversation light...  
DAVE: and im not sayin im not happy to do it ok i think im pretty good at it and most of the time i like it  
DAVE: and i especially really really get a kick out of it when it actually works and you get excited about whatever bullshit im sayin and you brighten right the fuck up  
DAVE: like i dont know how conscious it is on your part or anything  
DAVE: i guess now im saying it out loud youre gonna notice it more but that better not mean you stop doing it ok  
DAVE: because its great  
DAVE: um  
DAVE: what im sayin is sometimes when i try really hard to make you happy and youre having none of it  
DAVE: it gets hard on me  
KARKAT: IT DOES?  
DAVE: im not blaming you or anything like you dont always have to be peppy or whatever  
DAVE: its just hard in this particular setup because theres like... actually pretty much nobody but us around  
DAVE: and i love spending all my time with you i really do  
DAVE: but when i try to cheer you up and you just push back with your reflexive negativity it sometimes starts to make me feel i donno...  
DAVE: crazy  
DAVE: like i would have to be nuts to be optimistic about the future  
DAVE: it gets to me sometimes is all  
DAVE: ...  
DAVE: im sure this is NOT helping  
DAVE: fuck  
DAVE: sorry  
KARKAT: OH SHIT, NO!  
KARKAT: *I’M* SORRY, DAVE!  
DAVE: no its fine  
DAVE: its a dick move for me to be holding this against you  
DAVE: its just how you are  
KARKAT: YEAH, SOMETIMES...  
KARKAT: BUT SOMETIMES I THINK IT’S MORE JUST HABIT THAN ANYTHING.  
DAVE: really?  
KARKAT: YEAH. UM.  
KARKAT: BEING THE MISERABLE FOIL AGAINST YOUR OPTIMISM.  
KARKAT: I GUESS I DIDN’T REALIZE HOW MUCH IT WAS GETTING TO YOU.  
KARKAT: FUCK.  
KARKAT: I DON’T HAVE TO DO IT ALL THE TIME.  
DAVE: come on you dont do it ALL the time  
DAVE: and most of the time it really is fine  
DAVE: youre right its fun  
DAVE: its just... every now and again it gets to be too much  
DAVE: and i guess ive just not so subtly revealed that this is one of those times  
DAVE: like once in a while id kinda like to get to be the one whos down  
DAVE: and you have to try to cheer my ass up  
KARKAT: OH YEAH?  
DAVE: yeah  
KARKAT: I CAN DO THAT.  
KARKAT: ...I THINK.  
DAVE: haha bold fuckin words  
KARKAT: NO, I CAN! REALLY!  
DAVE: thanks man  
KARKAT: ...LIKE RIGHT NOW?  
DAVE: bahaha yeah karkat if you think you got it in you go ahead give it a shot  
DAVE: cheer me the fuck up man lets see what you got  
KARKAT: OK! UM...  
KARKAT: DO YOU WANT ME TO NAME SOME CONSTELLATIONS FOR YOU?  
DAVE: ...yeah  
DAVE: hell yeah i do that sounds great lay one on me  
KARKAT: OK! UM. SEE THAT GROUP RIGHT THERE?  
KARKAT: THE BRIGHT KIND OF BLUE ONE AND THEN THE CLUSTER OFF TO THE RIGHT?  
DAVE: yep perfect excellent top notch constellation quality  
DAVE: ten outta ten  
DAVE: whats it called  
KARKAT: THAT’S TAMLIN FORMIA.  
DAVE: oh yeah?  
KARKAT: YEAH. SHE WAS ONE OF HISTORY’S GREATEST THRESHECUTIONERS.  
DAVE: dang looks just like her you picked a good one  
KARKAT: HEH. THANKS.  
DAVE: see how can you possibly be worried about fighting jack  
DAVE: all your heroes are badass murder trolls  
KARKAT: ACTUALLY ALL MY HEROES ARE ROMCOM STARS.  
DAVE: bahaha  
DAVE: well you know what thats pretty badass in its own right do not discount that karkat it takes a lotta courage and stamina to be in a movie thats three fucking days long  
KARKAT: OH MY GOD IT MUST.  
DAVE: yeah troll adam sandler is the real hero  
DAVE: i mean i guess technically troll adam sandler is dead  
DAVE: along with everybody else who ever made a romcom  
KARKAT: YEAH, BUT THEY DEFINITELY DIED HEROES.  
DAVE: oh yeah they totally did  
KARKAT: ESPECIALLY TROLL SANDLER.  
DAVE: oh no doubt troll sandler more than anybody  
DAVE: i bet when the great blub came troll sandler was in the middle of take 600 of some stupid love confession on a beach and not a peep of complaint outta him  
DAVE: i bet he was a real professional and kept the mood on set hella light  
DAVE: troll sandler absolutely deserves a constellation we gotta find him the best fucking one  
KARKAT: OK HOW ABOUT THAT OVALLY BUNCH OVER THERE?  
KARKAT: THAT KINDA LOOKS LIKE HIS SUPER PUNCHABLE FACE.  
DAVE: oh my god it totally does  
DAVE: holy shit i would punch that collection of stars so fucking hard  
KARKAT: HAHAHA ME TOO.  
KARKAT: ...  
KARKAT: DAVE, I’M SORRY I BROUGHT THE MOOD DOWN SO MUCH.  
DAVE: what no its ok karkat  
DAVE: im sorry i let it get to me  
KARKAT: NO, I’M GLAD YOU TOLD ME. I’LL TRY TO NOTICE MORE WHEN I DO IT.  
DAVE: you still wanna call the mayor to hang out?  
KARKAT: HAHA NOT REALLY.  
KARKAT: UNLESS YOU DO?  
DAVE: naw  
DAVE: i mean dont get me wrong the mayor would make this stargazing sesh a fuckin PARTY   
KARKAT: OH MY GOD HE WOULD.  
KARKAT: HE’D HAVE SOME AMAZING CONSTELLATION NAMES.  
DAVE: oh his would blow ours outta the fuckin water no doubt  
DAVE: but youre right  
DAVE: this is really uh  
KARKAT: COME ON, DAVE, YOU CAN SAY IT.  
DAVE: yeah of course i can  
DAVE: “romantic”  
DAVE: i donno why you thought thatd be hard for me karkat  
DAVE: the spirit of amorous idylls is alive and well in me and you know it  
KARKAT: HAHA!  
DAVE: but yeah it is  
DAVE: romantic i mean  
DAVE: im really glad that no matter what weve got a whole sweep of this still  
KARKAT: ME TOO.  
DAVE: ...  
KARKAT: ...  
DAVE: alright this starry expanse is in desperate need of a troll drew barrymore karkat  
DAVE: this situation is getting dire  
DAVE: you gotta find a spot for her stat  
KARKAT: OH FUCK YOU’RE RIGHT.  
KARKAT: OK, LET’S SEE...  



End file.
